A Kitten or a Puppy

Today's appointment went well. I was a wreck leading up to it, scared shitless that something was wrong. I didn't eat lunch, I snapped at people at work, it was just ugly.

Luckily, my fears were unfounded. Spidey is doing fine in there. In fact, Spidey either got into the crack cocaine or is part Mexican Jumping Bean. It was so active that even the sonogram tech was laughing. This, of course, is scary to me since I already have an over-active child at home. These are good problems to have, don't get me wrong. I was just hoping for a laid back, mellow child this time.

I'm 12w1d, and Spidey was measuring 12w5d. The nuchal fold measurement was 1.5 and they like to see it under 3.0. So that's good news. All other things they look for (brain, spine, stomach, etc.) seemed to be what they were expecting. The heartbeat was 155bpm. Now we wait for the bloodwork results as we hold our breath.

There are no words that can express my relief at passing this milestone -- Milestone #27 of about 100 of them. We still have a long, long way to go, but I'm absolutely thrilled to be here right now.

Apparently it's somewhat of a game with them at this Doctor's office to try and guess the gender. The tech and the Doctor both made a guess, and it was the same verdict. Since they were nowhere near sure, we're not putting much stock in it. My 18 week appt (where we will check for all the organs and hopefully find out the gender for sure) is on Christmas Eve. Man, oh man, I hope nothing goes wrong or that will make for one shitty Christmas.

They asked me if we wanted a boy or a girl. I replied, "I honestly don't care. It could come out as a kitten or a puppy and I would be fine with that as long as it was healthy." They thought that was hilarious, but I was only barely kidding.

Now I have to wait a whole 18 days until my next OB appointment. I usually weasel my way into a sonogram, so we'll see how that goes. My friend at work offered to lend me her doppler and I might take her up on it, just to ease my continual fears. Of course she's only 16 weeks along so I'm not sure if she really wants to give it up now, or if she was just saying that today when I was muttering under my breath about the fear of another dead baby inside of me.

Talking like that freaks her out, and I wish I could filter it better, but I've seen too many tragedies at my own ultrasounds not to be constantly preparing for the worst. What's crazy is that she's the 40 year old who got pregnant on her first IUI (surely you remember me bitterly bitching about her before) so I'm not sure why she's so calm and nonplussed all the time. It baffles my mind. And it makes me sad that I've been so changed, so scarred by this entire babymaking process.

Thank you for all of your kind words and your prayers. They are working! Now go see Erin to wish her luck at her appointment on Wednesday. Yea for the Wonder Twins!