Saturday, March 29, 2008

One is Silver, and the Other Gold (updated)

Anyone else remember that song? I know it from Girl.Scouts. I'm pretty sure it goes...

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other gold

I still cannot believe the bond I feel that I've formed with so many of you bloggers. It's easy to understand the ones that I've met IRL, but there are so many of you that I will probably never, ever meet and yet I care so deeply for you. It's amazing.

Tomorrow I will write a post and upload a picture of the blanket that JJ made for Spidey. I'm still so touched, so moved, so completely overwhelmed by it that I'm having trouble finding the right words that will do it justice (both the gesture and the blanket itself). I wonder sometimes if JJ isn't even real... if I hadn't met her in person, I'd swear that she was an imaginary friend I've made up.

While I try to stop crying long enough to get that picture of JJ's blanket, I thought I'd give a quick update on my other bloggy friends. If you already know these lovely ladies, then their updates are not all that new. But if you don't know them, please pick a couple of them and drop by their blogs -- to offer congratulations, to provide support, or to provide that virtual shoulder to cry on.

After making this giant list, I realized I should split it into sections so that you could skip over the "Yippee, they just had a baby!" section if you are in a bad place, as well as the "Knocked up" section too. Feel free to read all the updates, just the ones for folks in the same station as you, or whatever combination you wish. Just please visit someone new and provide a little support or good cheer...

In the 2WW

Lara is awaiting her beta on Monday after deFET #4. She just got up the nerve to POAS and didn't get the result she was hoping for, so head over and offer some support while she waits.

Becks is in a 2WW after transferring 2 embies during IVF/ICSI #4 (I think it's #4, forgive me if I'm wrong, Becks).

Imogen just transferred 2 gorgeous embies (named Snugglepot and Cuddlepie) on Easter Sunday. Go wish her luck!

LJ is 3dp3dt and in the 2WW for IVF #3. I swear that I think I want her to get pregnant more than I wanted to get pregnant myself. (Okay, maybe I want Rho to get pregnant this badly too. And Sunny too. And JJ. And Becky. And Lara. And Bean. Shit, what am I doing? There are too many to list...)

Preparing for a cycle

Sunny. Where do I begin with Sunny? In the midst of her first IVF, she was blindsided with her Mother's cancer diagnosis. After deciding not to completely cancel her cycle as it was so close to retrieval, they pushed ahead. Now they have 6 embies frozen (I love that she calls them "babypops") and will begin the FET process once she returns home from being with her family.

My buddy and IRL friend Rho is finishing up her last week of BCPs in preparation for IVF #3. Go over and cheer her on!

Bean, who I adore, is about to begin IVF #5. At the moment, AF is torturing her so head over and tell her a few jokes to distract her.

I got to meet Jendeis at the last TOOTPU gathering and she is damn spunky. I like that in a blogger! Fresh off her HSG, she's gearing up for what will prove to be a tricky SA procedure. Wish her luck, and offer some general good vibes as she's got a whole heckuvalot of stuff going on right now.

Becky is gearing up for her first IVF with retrieval and transfer planned for near the end of April. Go over and share your IVF advice with her!

Is there anyone on Earth nicer than JJ? She and Mook are talking about their next steps, so go lend some support while she sorts through her emotions. (And, yes, I can vouch for the fact that she is as sweet and supportive as her comments lead you to believe.)

Mands is considering when to do her FET. Perhaps this Summer? Head on over and say a few kind words.

Currently Gestating

Farah is almost 27 weeks along and doing great! Since she is one of the nicest, sweetest bloggers out there, we will all be excited when Mini Vann makes his debut.

Jackie is about 37 weeks along, so any day now...

Delenn is almost 36 weeks along, anticipating Willow's arrival.

Cibele is about 36 weeks along and on bedrest awaiting Lyla's arrival. -- UPDATE: Lyla is here!

Caro is about 37 weeks along and will meet Stumpy soon.

Gabby is about 30 weeks along and hasn't posted in a while so perhaps this will shame her into an update on Wyatt Ethan.

Erin, my cycle sister this time, is kicking ass and taking names seemingly sailing through to her 32nd week with the WonderTwins.

Meghan is 16 weeks along and lookin' fiiiiine.

Christina is almost 17 weeks along and recently wrote a post about projectile puking on her windshield while driving. I'm not sure I was supposed to laugh as hard as I did, but maybe it was the emoticon that made me do it.

Kami is 29 weeks along and never, ever ceases to amazing me with the raw emotion and power of her writing.

CE is almost 38 weeks along and finally, finally posted an update. I'm so happy to hear things are going well with her pregnancy.

In and Out of Luck is about 28 weeks along and, after a brief scare and visit to the pediatric cardiologist, is doing great.

Grad3 is about 35 weeks along and seems to be growing a SuperBaby. Here's hoping her baby girl decides to stop overachieving and causing everyone to make such a fuss.

Lea Bee is almost 11 weeks along and, despite some stress and worries about the discontinuation of her meds, is doing great.

Deanna is almost 12 weeks along and her posts about buying maternity clothes are right on the money for anyone who has ever been in disbelief about the fact that you even need maternity clothes in the first place.

Kristen is over 21 weeks along and we simply cannot wait to meet her son Sunshine (obviously that's his stage name).

After a tragic loss of her son Zach at 20 weeks, Ann is 13 weeks along with Zach's sibling and anxiously awaiting the anatomy scan on April 11th.

Waiting Amy is over 18 weeks along with twins. The anatomy scan is Monday, so go send some good vibes!

Portia, my over-the-hill-ovary partner, is almost 9 weeks along. Yay!

Schatzi is almost 10 weeks along with quintuplets. Yes, you read that right. Quints. Including a set of identical twins. It's mind boggling, as are all of the twists and turns that this pregnancy has taken thus far already. Head over to offer up good vibes!

Recently Delivered

Artblog just welcomed her son Dan to the world. Yay!

H2H welcomed her baby girl on February 16th.

Kate welcomed baby Luke on February 25th.

Shelby (and Nathan and Celia) welcomed Seth into their family on February 19th.

Larisa was thrilled to welcome Elodie on January 7th after a stress-filled pregnancy.

Serenity welcomed Owen Philip on March 17th.

Sticky Bun welcomed the Stickes on March 21st.

Carey and Steph welcomed Bennett and Kate yesterday!

Alexa probably needs no introduction as you probably have to live under a rock not to know about her blog (ditto for Mel). However, hop over to see Alexa and check on Simone who was born on February 8th. We still miss her brother Ames terribly.

My Reality is embarking on the adoption journey. Please go over and lend some support.

Chris has recently begun the adoption process. Head over and say some wonderful things!


I have no idea what's new with DMarie as she hasn't posted in nearly 2 months and has remained completely silent during all of the TOOTPU email traffic. I hope all is well and that she'll provide an update soon.

Rachel is awaiting another dIUI cycle and is using this opportunity to aim for a little DIY success. Go wish her luck!

After 2 devastating losses, Carlynn is investigating surrogacy. Please go over and lend a friendly ear.

Mel, who is the center of the IF blog universe, is suffering from comment withdrawal this week. Please go leave some comments and give her that warm and fuzzy feeling she so deserves!

If you've never checked out Pamela Jeanne's blog or Karen's blog, you should do so. But make yourself a cup of coffee because once you start reading, you'll be there a while. These women can write. Seriously write.

Karen's triplets are 6 months old now and doing well. That's not to say the last 6 months (or the 6 months prior to that) were without their fair share of stress and drama...

After their devastating loss of their 3 girls Syliva, Claire and Lucy on February 1st, ME announced she was going password protected and then hasn't posted in about 6 weeks. Certainly no one can blame her, but I still think about her constantly and pray she is healing.

Babystep just endured a BFN from IVF #2. It's so. damn. unfair.

Sharah and her husband recently decided not to pursue further treatments. She still writes some damn fine posts, is active in WAITT, and is clearly a good friend to one of my favoritest bloggers so by extension, I love her too.

Baby Blues is on a break and currently enjoying travel adventures that make me insanely jealous!

Tam is currently trying with homeopathy and acupuncture. For numerous reasons, this month's visit from AF was a particularly shitty one. So if you have the password to her blog, please head over and offer some words of encouragement.

Wow. My link finger is dang tired.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

No News is Good News

Nothing new to report here. Lots of things going on with my blog buddies -- plenty of impending births, plus a few that are already here. Also, dear LJ is in the dreaded 2ww after transferring 5 kick ass embies. Wahoo! Go over and offer up some good vibes.

Random things:
  • My OB appt last week was uneventful. Gained 2 lbs in 2 weeks so I guess that's okay.
  • Thanks to the magic of Pri.losec, the heartburn is nearly under control.
  • Over a week ago, the lovely ladies of TOOTPU got together and it was wonderful to see everyone. (Plus I scored some of that amazing toffee with sea salt from Mel!)
  • Speaking of scoring, I managed to get some free 4D ultrasound pics from the peri here at my work. We were in a mtg together and he said, "C'mon down right now, we'll take a look." Neato pictures, I'll post one over the weekend once I unearth the scanner from the pile of junk in our office that's hiding it.
  • NannyGate '08 continues. The one that we finally found turns out to be pretty darn shitty. So I'm in the process of looking for a new one. Heavy, heavy sigh.
I think that's it. Will update again when there's something useful to say.

Friday, March 21, 2008


Please go over and visit Sunny. She got some tragic news about her Mother and could use a show of love and support right now. I can't seem to stop crying about it, even a day after reading it. Life is so. freaking. unfair.

For those of you who haven't had the distinct pleasure of getting to know Sunny IRL, I can't begin to tell you what you are missing. I've got a heavy heart for my friend.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Fat. Just plain fat.

Remember all those earlier posts about how I managed to avoid telling people I was pregnant for so long? How I am still measuring small by a week or so? How, up until even last week, people were still surprised to find out I was pregnant?

Ha. That makes me snort out loud with laughter.

I am fat. I mean gross fat. My belly isn't too bad. In fact, when I looked in the mirror last night, I could see my normal torso with a perfectly defined outline of where my uterus is. It's the rest of me that is fat.

I knew I started out this pregnancy heavier than with Megan. I knew that I looked like a cow in pictures (because I have a reverse distorted body image where I *think* I look thinner than I actually am). I knew I had to make a conscious effort to stretch out my double chin if I was stupid enough to get near a camera.

Nothing prepared me for today. I rarely ask for pictures to be taken of myself, but I asked someone to take a picture of me, Kevin and Megan today when we were all hanging out in the back yard. I got my hair cut on Monday -- cut over 9 inches off (to donate) -- and I swear I thought it somehow made my giant, pudgy face look thinner. How wrong I was.

My friend took our picture and I distinctly remember working hard to do my giraffe thing and stick my chin out to lengthen the blob that is my neck. Well, let me tell you what. When I transferred the picture from our camera to the computer, I gasped out loud. I look freakish. Truly, just God-awful.

I suppose there is nothing much I can do about it now. I would like to say that I am going to swear off all eating until I deliver, but that's just stupid. Mostly because that doesn't really make for a healthy Mom or healthy baby. But also because I am still in a constant state of either nausea or heartburn and the only thing (other than Zan.tac) that makes a dent is food.

So I graze. I try to be good and make healthy choices. I still have gained less than 20 lbs (which is okay at 30 weeks along), but I'm pretty sure that 90% of that weight is between my shoulders and my nose.

I feel so gross about myself right now that I struggled to leave the house today. I finally managed to make it out to Tar.get and I sincerely hoped that people would focus on my belly instead of my giant face which resembles a Macy.s Thanksgiving Day Parade float.* I even wore a shirt that was a little clingy (which I *never* do) to emphasize my belly in a diversionary tactic.

What could top the whole experience off? When my sister walked through the door this morning. Keep in mind that she knows I struggle with my weight. Also keep in mind that she and I rarely talk about pregnancy stuff because as a former IF victim and ART veteran who experienced 2 heartbreaking early miscarriages, she just doesn't get into pregnancy talk. Which is fine by me.

Anyway, she walked through the door this morning to the festivities and just about yelled, "WOW." She had a huge grin on her face, so I immediately thought, "Yay! I'm going to get some positive feedback about my hair!!" Instead she said -- very loud, which is unlike her -- "You are SO PREGNANT." It came out sounding something like, "You should be starring in your own show at Sea.World since you are so goddamn fat." There were about 8 other people here at the time and I swear you could hear a pin drop.

I was truthfully more bummed that I didn't score a hair compliment. But after I gazed at the FatFace picture later in the day, that episode just underscored how gross I really look. Meanwhile, my sister was so devastated that she apologized about 98 times while she was here and even called on her way home to apologize again. I really wasn't offended, and the fact that she acknowledged the pregnancy at all is actually a compliment.

So there is clearly no point to this post. Except to say that I am fat. Gross and fat. And I will not, under any circumstances, allow one more picture to be taken of me until well after I deliver and shed about 2,000 lbs. I just hope my fellow members of TOOTPU don't gasp, point, stare and snicker when they see me tomorrow at our monthly get together. I'll be the one drinking water while eating plain iceberg lettuce and lemon slices for lunch. Ugh.

* Just to be clear -- I'm not swollen anywhere else, so this isn't a medical condition. No preeclampsia or high blood pressure or other such acceptable reason for swelling. Just plain ol' fat.

Monday, March 10, 2008

IRL Support & Kinship from TOOTPU

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I am wildly fortunate to have a local support network of SQs who meet once a month (more or less). Recently we decided to change our name from DC Metro Stirrup Queens to The Order of the Plastic Ute.

Back in January, I wrote a post about our gathering at Lindsay's house. There were 12 of us there and it was a wonderfully fantastic time. I finally got around to asking Lindsay and Mel for the pictures of the evening, and so I wanted to share them with you.

First, here is the gang of lovely, lovely women... (yes, we actually broke down and had "Hi! My name is..." nametags on for the new folks)

Next, here is our namesake, The Plastic Ute enjoying a snooze by the Christmas tree...

To learn who is in the group picture (although it's in no particular order), see my previous post about the evening. I will admit to snickering when I realized tonight that the acronym for our new name is TOOTPU. Tell me you didn't just laugh too.

We are getting together this Sunday for lunch in Tyson's Corner. (Actually, it's a late lunch at 1:30.) If you are in the area, or want to come into the area, please join us! Email me, leave a comment, or otherwise contact anyone in the group to let us know you are interested. The more the merrier!

Blubbering Mess

I wanted to write a profound, moving post about how terribly I feel for Natalie and Den. But it dissolved into a paranoid, delusional rant filled with non-stop, over-the-top DBTs. So I deleted it. But then I read Serenity's post. And that's it. That's exactly what I wanted to say. Instead of me just outright stealing her entire post, I'll provide a link so you can read it. Although she's farther along than me, she expressed each and every emotion I've been feeling since I read the news. Even the part about crying so much that my eyes burn.

I've also spent a considerable amount of time this weekend crying over my friend Rho's BFN. I knew I was waaaaay too invested in her cycle this time (as I am every time, I admit), but I truly, truly, truly thought this was The One for them. I am still stunned, wanting to believe it's just faulty tests. I'm crushed, and I've cried at least 10 times about it.

Can you say "blubbering mess?" Poor Kevin has spent the entire weekend with an incredibly hormonal wife and a cranky toddler with Vacation Hangover. It's okay, he's up for the challenge.

I had intended to write a post this weekend about Megan's visit to the Easter Bunny. Or the conversation I had with a fellow Stirrup Queen (a complete stranger) that hopefully saved her some lonliness by introducing her to the Magical World of IF Blogging and all the support provided therein.

But those can wait. For now, I am too deep in despair about Rho's BFN and Nat and Den's tragedy to be able to focus on anything happy.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The World's Suckiest Blogger

I used to be a fairly good blogger . . . I posted often, I had interesting things to say, and occasionally I was pretty funny (at least I thought so). Now, I feel like I don't have jack shit to say.

We were just on vacation in Florida for a week. It was a blast. By coincidence, my BF Kelly was there with her husband and daughters too so we met up on Saturday. We just hung out at the pool where Kevin, Megan and I were staying and had a good time.

There were 9 women at the pool and 5 of them were visibly pregnant. I am deranged, because this is how one of our conversations went:

Me: "Good grief, look at all these pregnant women. What is the deal?"
Kelly: "Yeah, there certainly are a lot of them."
Me (sneering): "And they all have at least 1 kid already, some have even more. I bet they just pop them out like Pez dispensers. It's not fair."
Kelly: "Um, Leah? You do realize that you are pregnant too, don't you?"
Me: "Oh. Yeah. I guess I still have a hard time checking my bitterness at the door."

It's so true. Unless I know -- for a FACT -- that the pregnant woman I'm looking at had some sort of trouble conceiving, I find myself needing to work hard at not loathing her. That is simply not right. I've asked numerous friends who also struggled with fertility treatments (but have since either completed their families or made other choices), and while I'm told it gets better, it never goes away. Great. So now I've got THAT going for me.

I mean, why should I be mad that Angelina.Jolie is pregnant again? I don't know either, but I am. It seems like she just says, "Hmm, Brad, honey? Think this is a good time to have another baby?" And he must say, "Sure. Let's go for it. Take your clothes off so I can ravage your skeletal frame." (Okay, he probably doesn't say that.) Then, wham, bam, thank you mam she's knocked up with a BFP 2 weeks later. Grrrrr.

Work sucks right now. I'm killing myself to get 2 projects done by the end of the fiscal year and 1 of them simply isn't going to happen. That makes me crazy because we've all busted our asses on it, but it's out of our control.

Vacation was great. When Kevin took Megan to school today, her teachers asked what she did in Florida. Do you think she said, "I went to Disney! I saw Mickey! I had breakfast with the Princesses! I went to MGM! I rode in a glass bottom boat!" Nope. None of that. She said, "I fell into the pool and my Mommy had to jump in with her clothes on to save me." She's a nut. While that is true, is isn't quite as dramatic or traumatic as she's making it sound.

Nothing exciting to report regarding Spidey. I'm coming up on 29 weeks which is exciting because it means I'll only have 10 weeks to go. Sleeping is hilarious, the heartburn is getting really old, and I feel like I'm about to split open like a watermelon dropped from a tall apartment building. That's just stupid because I'm not going to get any smaller so I need to suck it up. I've got 1,000 other little things I could complain about, but all in all it's going well.

I have my glucose tolerance test in the morning. I failed the first one with Megan, and I'm a complete sugar junkie, so I fully expect to fail it this time. Hopefully I don't fail the 3 hour one, though. (I was borderline with Megan.) After having watched what Shelby had to endure thanks to GD, I'm not too hip on getting that diagnosis. But if I do, I will figure out how to make it work and keep it under control.

Don't forget to stop by and send some love to my buddy Rho. She transferred 3 embryos over the weekend and is in the dreaded 2WW. Thankfully, she's a POAS junkie like me so we'll get some confirmation soon that it worked. (I feel unnaturally positive about her cycle this time!)

Okay, after re-reading this post, it's got a negative vibe to it. Not sure why since I'm not upset about anything. Perhaps it's because it's 12:30am and I should really be in bed? Yes, I'm sure that's part of it. So, off to bed with me. I'm working on one of my posts with a zillion links for my blog buddies. There's so much going on with everyone right now, I'd love for you guys to swing by a few new blogs and spread some of our supportive lovin' around. :-)