Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The World's Suckiest Blogger

I used to be a fairly good blogger . . . I posted often, I had interesting things to say, and occasionally I was pretty funny (at least I thought so). Now, I feel like I don't have jack shit to say.

We were just on vacation in Florida for a week. It was a blast. By coincidence, my BF Kelly was there with her husband and daughters too so we met up on Saturday. We just hung out at the pool where Kevin, Megan and I were staying and had a good time.

There were 9 women at the pool and 5 of them were visibly pregnant. I am deranged, because this is how one of our conversations went:

Me: "Good grief, look at all these pregnant women. What is the deal?"
Kelly: "Yeah, there certainly are a lot of them."
Me (sneering): "And they all have at least 1 kid already, some have even more. I bet they just pop them out like Pez dispensers. It's not fair."
Kelly: "Um, Leah? You do realize that you are pregnant too, don't you?"
Me: "Oh. Yeah. I guess I still have a hard time checking my bitterness at the door."

It's so true. Unless I know -- for a FACT -- that the pregnant woman I'm looking at had some sort of trouble conceiving, I find myself needing to work hard at not loathing her. That is simply not right. I've asked numerous friends who also struggled with fertility treatments (but have since either completed their families or made other choices), and while I'm told it gets better, it never goes away. Great. So now I've got THAT going for me.

I mean, why should I be mad that Angelina.Jolie is pregnant again? I don't know either, but I am. It seems like she just says, "Hmm, Brad, honey? Think this is a good time to have another baby?" And he must say, "Sure. Let's go for it. Take your clothes off so I can ravage your skeletal frame." (Okay, he probably doesn't say that.) Then, wham, bam, thank you mam she's knocked up with a BFP 2 weeks later. Grrrrr.

Work sucks right now. I'm killing myself to get 2 projects done by the end of the fiscal year and 1 of them simply isn't going to happen. That makes me crazy because we've all busted our asses on it, but it's out of our control.

Vacation was great. When Kevin took Megan to school today, her teachers asked what she did in Florida. Do you think she said, "I went to Disney! I saw Mickey! I had breakfast with the Princesses! I went to MGM! I rode in a glass bottom boat!" Nope. None of that. She said, "I fell into the pool and my Mommy had to jump in with her clothes on to save me." She's a nut. While that is true, is isn't quite as dramatic or traumatic as she's making it sound.

Nothing exciting to report regarding Spidey. I'm coming up on 29 weeks which is exciting because it means I'll only have 10 weeks to go. Sleeping is hilarious, the heartburn is getting really old, and I feel like I'm about to split open like a watermelon dropped from a tall apartment building. That's just stupid because I'm not going to get any smaller so I need to suck it up. I've got 1,000 other little things I could complain about, but all in all it's going well.

I have my glucose tolerance test in the morning. I failed the first one with Megan, and I'm a complete sugar junkie, so I fully expect to fail it this time. Hopefully I don't fail the 3 hour one, though. (I was borderline with Megan.) After having watched what Shelby had to endure thanks to GD, I'm not too hip on getting that diagnosis. But if I do, I will figure out how to make it work and keep it under control.

Don't forget to stop by and send some love to my buddy Rho. She transferred 3 embryos over the weekend and is in the dreaded 2WW. Thankfully, she's a POAS junkie like me so we'll get some confirmation soon that it worked. (I feel unnaturally positive about her cycle this time!)

Okay, after re-reading this post, it's got a negative vibe to it. Not sure why since I'm not upset about anything. Perhaps it's because it's 12:30am and I should really be in bed? Yes, I'm sure that's part of it. So, off to bed with me. I'm working on one of my posts with a zillion links for my blog buddies. There's so much going on with everyone right now, I'd love for you guys to swing by a few new blogs and spread some of our supportive lovin' around. :-)


TeamWinks said...

Don't be so hard on yourself dear!

Fertilized said...

Glad you updated and all is going. Good luck with your test. I was thinking of you yesterday

Meghan said...

Glad you had a good vacay...I feel the same way anytime I see someone pregnant...I think that's why I am suddenly SO much more open about our treatments, I don't want anyone to think that I was one of 'those' women, who had an ooops or get lucky the first month off the pill.

Hope the gluconse test went well this morning!

MoonNStarMommy said...

it's hard to see pregnant women when you have been through the infertility dance and/or had multi miscarriages..... UGH... even though this is #4 for me... I faught hard for mine. 29 weeks is great... don't start to think about it too long... it'll be bitter sweet and start thinking "it's just around the corner!" ...

The Town Criers said...

Grrr...blogger just ate my comment. It really wasn't that profound, but still.

I'm just glad you're back.

dusty said...

Speaking to others with IF who do fall pg, it seems a lot of them so feel bitter towards other women who fall pg seemingly easily. I honestly believe this TTC journey changes one. How can it not.
Well done on making 29 wks. May you have a H&H 10 more weeks.