Thursday, March 18, 2010

How many packets of fruit snacks is too many?

There are dozens and dozens of reasons why I love our nanny. I don't *love* her in any sort of inappropriate way, I just love how well we get along and how fantastic she is with my kids. I originally thought it was because our last nanny was such a soul-sucking, wretched, miserable, bitchy hag and this one seemed wonderful only by comparison. But I was wrong. She is wonderful.

She is nearly bereft of all domestic abilities -- apparently she could burn water trying to boil it -- but I don't care. We love to see how she loads the dishwasher, it's kind of like it was done by a drunk person. Who was also blindfolded. But we find it endearing.

When she folds laundry it kinda resembles origami. But we don't mind at all. Hell, someone else is collecting, sorting, washing, drying, folding, hanging and putting away my kids' laundry. Am I really obnoxious enough to complain about it? Um, nope.

Anyway, we love her. She just had her 1 year anniversary with us and we are still thrilled with her. I could go on and on about all the reasons (more than I already have? why, yes!) but let me just share with you some of the random texts she sends me throughout the day...

  • Liam just picked up the thermometer off the changing table and poked himself in the butt with it.
  • Was screaming, now sleeping. I have no idea what just went down.
  • I had my blinker on turning our of ur neighborhood and Megan asked me if I was texting while driving. She said that's not safe.
  • Liam is smashing everything in sight with the broom. Taking him to the mall.
  • Ur son just spit OJ all over his stomach and screamed uh oh!
  • Liam just yanked out a kleenex and dusted ur living room.
  • How many packets of fruit snacks is too many?
  • Just a heads up, I just caught ur son trying to scoop the fish out of the tank with a red plastic frying pan.
  • He's an evil genuis. He's all sweet when ur here but a few minutes ago he ran into the kitchen and threw his string cheese at me.
  • Putting a tiny bottle of Smirnoff in recycling. I found it in the parking lot. It was not consumed on premises. :-)
  • He's smelling fake flowers and going "hmmmmm"
  • Hope u like messy houses.
Can you see why I love her so?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Things That I Know

A random assortment of things that I know to be true:

I know that you need more sleep when you do stupid shit like try to print off a coupon for Office Depot. For ink cartridges. For the printer that won't print anymore because it has no ink. ON the printer that won't print anymore. Not smart.

I know EXACTLY how this person feels in this post. EXACTLY. This post is so dead on regarding how I feel it actually spooks me a little. Except that her son sleeps through the night. And my almost 2 year old doesn't. If she would just move closer to me, we would be such BFFs that we would probably annoy people.

I know that I am shocked that it has been almost 6 months since I posted. I've composed dozens and dozens of posts in my head and it's weird to think that none of them have made it to my blog.

I know that just because you totally kick ass at Wii bowling doesn't mean you have any skillz at all at *real* bowling. Believe me.

I know that my husband is one of the greatest husbands in the world. He cleans, he does all the laundry, he can take care of all aspects of our children with little to no guidance at all, and he would never cheat on me. He is also one of the biggest assholes I've ever met. Go figure.

I know that I am so excited that these babies were born that I can't stand it. I don't even think this chick knows I exist but I have followed her story forever and am honestly moved to tears with happiness that her boys are home safely.

I know that I miss my TOOTPU friends. I don't get to enough gatherings and I don't keep in touch as I would like to. I especially want to get together with fabulous Mel and let our nearly-identically-aged children play together at the play date we've been trying to organize for months and months, but I'm too busy and somehow simultaneously too f'ing lazy to make it happen.

I know that I can't remember the address for Sunny's blog. I was too lazy to add it to my reader and now it's gone from my address bar history, so I haven't read it in at least a month. Help!

I know that it's coming up on the 2nd anniversary of when my ex-fiance killed his parents. I stopped by his Uncle's house (also my sister's neighbor, that's how we met) to let him know I was thinking about their family. We hugged and cried. That sort of stuff happens to other people, people on TV. I'm just thankful that I will NEVER EVER have to worry about bumping into him on the street. (What with the consecutive life sentences and all.)

I know that beef stew is magical. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I think I've made it once a week for months now. But I can't take it to work for lunch. Because I always eat it ALL by 10am. It calls to me... "Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat me!"

I know that I love my sister with every fiber of my being. Her daughters have turned into evil teenagers and they break her heart on a regular basis. It makes me want to kick their asses into next week, then hug my sister until she begs me to stop.

I know that work is killing me. Seriously. k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me. I love my job, I love all the insane amounts of responsibility I have, and I love to work hard but it's sorta out of control right now. Know when it will get better? February 2011. Aaaaaaaaack.

I know that for the past month, my typical night's sleep is from 2am - 5:30am. This is not working for me, I am falling asleep at traffic lights. Not cool at all.

I know that I miss my car. A very nice, albiet super old (87 yo) lady ran a red light in the middle of downtown Baltimore and crashed into my car. Deployed the side curtain airbags and everything. I'm fine, but my car has been in the shop for weeks and I miss it. To give you an idea of how crazed work is right now, after the accident when I finished dealing with the cops, I shoved the airbag back up into the ceiling and drove to work. I popped about half a dozen Aleve, and then, 9 hours later after I finished working, drove straight to the body shop to drop my smashed up car off.

I know that my kids are finally old enough to actually play together. Aside from the sound of a dispensing slot machine in Vegas (chingchingchingchingchingching), there is no sound that makes me happier than to hear the sweet giggling of my kids as they conspire and goof off together. Okay, I actually enjoy my kids' laughter more than slot machine noises but it's awfully close...

I know that I am so damned excited that this person is pregnant that I can't even stand myself. I actually catch myself randomly smiling during the day at the thought of it. :-)

I know that I still read blogs every single day. I suck about commenting enough, but I really do still read blogs each day and keep up with my peeps.

I know that Liam is insane. Seriously, I think he's got a screw loose. Good thing he's so freaking cute and funny that his personality will probably carry him through.

I know that I miss posting. I fully intend to post more often. Even if I have nothing useful to say. I just miss organizing my thoughts and getting them down in print (and thus out of my head).

I know that I'm crazy, demented, over-the-top excited to buy this book. She is one of my favorite bloggers and to think that I'm going to get to read an entire book full of her writing makes me giddy and a little bit dizzy with excitement!

Lastly, I know that it will be a miracle if anyone even reads this. I assume most people have removed me from their readers and/or don't bother checking anymore.