Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dear John,

No, I'm not referring to Jendeis' hubby in a dyslexic fashion. I'm talking about the Dear John letters that we've all written. The it's-not-you-it's-me ones, the oops-I'm-in-love-with-your-best-friend ones, the now-that-I've-gotten-to-know-you-it-makes-me-want-to-jam-a-hot-fork-in-my-eye ones. You get the point.

I remember once finding a website that had templates of such letters. You could just fill in the pertinent names and send it off. How convenient! It got me to thinking that there should be a stock of IF posts that we could just copy in certain circumstances instead of having to write them all ourselves from scratch.

Here are the ones that I think I could have used:
  1. I just discovered this IF blog world and HOLY SHIT it has changed my life. You all understand me. You all get me. You all ARE me!
  2. Why can crack whores and slutty teenagers get pregnant at an alarming rate but I can't do it despite the fact that we've completely drained our bank account and our emotional reserves?
  3. My best friend just got pregnant and although I love her with all my heart, I want to rip her stupid fertile eyes out.
  4. I'm very happy for all of my bloggy friends who are now pregnant, but forgive me if I can't muster gushing joy.
  5. I'm so. damn. tired. I don't know if I can keep doing this. Forgive me, but I need to go away for a while.
  6. I am overwhelmed by the love and support I've received from this amazing network of women. We don't even know each other, but that doesn't seem to matter.
  7. I'm in the 2ww and am entirely convinced that this didn't work.
  8. I'm in the 2ww and am doing the blog equivalent of a stage whisper about how I think it actually worked.
  9. POAS? Not POAS? POAS? Not POAS?
  10. My beta is low and not doubling. Please tell me it's going to be fine.
  11. My beta is high and I'm scared shitless that it might be twins. While that's like the IF equivalent of winning the lottery, the reality of it is freaking me out.
  12. I'm pregnant and am completely consumed with worry.
  13. I'm pregnant and don't blog anymore because I feel like a giant heel complaining to all of you.
  14. I'm pregnant and just went to the bathroom to find blood on my panties/the TP/in the toilet. Please tell me it's going to be fine.
  15. My husband/sister/mother/fertile friend doesn't understand how I've gotten so attached to people I'll never meet. Even I don't get it, but I wouldn't trade you angels for the world.
  16. I just puked my brains out on a stranger in Tar.get. I've never been so happy in my whole life.
  17. Whoever made up the term morning sickness was a raging dickwad. It lasts all day and I feel wretched. But I'm still thrilled to have this problem.
  18. I just gave birth and my child is the most amazing creature on Earth. Not to put too much pressure on them or anything, but I think this little human is beginning to heal the Grand Canyon-sized hole in my soul.
  19. There is no way I would have made it through these last ## years without the support of you lovely ladies. I heart every last one of you.
  20. Now that I'm settling into this Mommy thing, I don't know what to do with this IF blog.

Can you think of more?

P.S. - Has it really been a MONTH since I've posted? What a damn slacker.


Delenn said...

Oh, I love love love your list! It should be sent to all newbies! :-)

I do think you need this one:

If I hear, "Why don't you just adopt" one more time, I think I will claw my eyes out.

I have secondary infertility and you guys STILL love me (oh do I feel guilty--but you like me?).

Caro said...

Love the list too and I'm pretty sure I've written all of them.

Grad3 said...

All so accurate!!

In going along with Delenn you forgot- "Just relax, it'll happen!" or "If you just adopt you'll get pregnant, a friend of a friend..."

Just shut your pie hole lady.

Jendeis said...

Fabu. Glad to hear that you're ok.

Bean said...

OMG, so funny. I actually counted and I'm pretty sure that I've written 15 of the ones you listed and could have written 17. Glad you hear from you, I was just thinking of emailing to check in.
Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Love this list!! I think I've written many of them myself. I would agree on the post about all the stupid comments.

Kate said...

Amen to #20!

Elle Charlie said...

I love the list. I have written many of the ones about miscarriage. It was comforting, somehow, to see among the others.

Joy said...

What about the introduction: I think we might have a teensy bit of trouble getting pregnant so I'm starting this blog. "Join me on this journey" or "rollercoaster ride."

niobe said...

Brilliant. Pitch perfect. And dead on.

calliope said...

I can not stop laughing! I think I have written a post on like 80% of these themes. Sigh...I guess there is no originality in the IF blogging world. heh.
great post!

Tara said...

Ha! I may have written at least 75% of those in one form or another.

Great post.

Kristin said...

OMG how funny! I love this list.

Aurelia said...

Awesome, only one missing is the post about the completely insensitive Doc/Nurse/Social Worker who does painful things to you and says stupid things.

Trish said...


Kami said...

Too funny! How about "mourning the loss of a genetic link" which I personally wrote about 50 times.

Kathy said...

This is great! I was skimming the Creme de la Creme list and was intrigued by Mel's description of your post... It was a very amusing read and I am sure I have written many of those posts! Anyway, thanks for sharing and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones! :)

Denver Laura said...

I found this post off the Creme 2008 list. I've posted the first 7 - exactly as written. I'm hoping I can use the template for the others...

Kami said...

Hey! I'm on your live traffic feed. How cool is that?

Coming to you from Spokane, WA via the Creme . . .

I read this the first time, but thought I could use a laugh.

Patricia said...

Here via la Creme...

Laugh out loud post and one that's spot-on accurate. Thanks for the laugh, sad but true :)