Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Turds, Pumpkins and the Sea

I feel like a turd because I really want to post some pictures that would have thrown my infertile ass into a depression. Or a rage, depending on the day. Pictures of cute kids in costumes and carved pumpkins. My cute kids and the pumpkin that I carved of a Dis.ney Princess.

When I read posts like this one by Pamela Jeanne (and the 3 referenced therein), I am instantly transported back to that time. Back to those feelings of suffocation. Despair and jealously would overtake me and I'd be in a funk (a cute little word to describe my depression) for weeks after the pumpkin patch episode recounted by Luna here. I've had that experience, many years in a row.

But, as I said, apparently I'm a turd. Because I'm so enthralled by the pictures I've taken that I feel as though I'm forgetting my roots. Therefore, I'm going to post the pictures on my Face.book page. Many of you are already friends with me there, but if you aren't let me know so we can get connected.

In the meantime, I'll working on slaying the beast that has set this inner turmoil in motion -- the turmoil that is causing me to toss about in the sea of holiday-induced infertility depression residue mixed with I'm-crazy-about-my-kids-and-want-the-world-to-ooh-and-aah-over-them euphoria.

Wish me luck.


E said...

I know you don't want to be that person who plasters her IF blog with baby pics, but guess what - it's your blog. Plaster away. You are definitely the type of person who will do it with the utmost care for all possible readers, so write and post what makes you happy.

I friend-requested you on the Face.

Meghan said...

It is a weird little mix. It came up with us the other night talking about holiday cards. Mr H wants to do a picture of the 3 of us. I said no f-ing way since I generally tore up the cards of my friends smiling with their happy families and happy babies. But...how could I not want a cute holiday pic of my little girl?? not sure which one of us will win this one.

off to look at your pics! I just know your pumpkin is going to put mine to shame

Ashley said...

Yes, please connect with me on facebook so I can oooh and aaahh over your adorable kids! :]

LJ said...

I know I want to hear all about your little ones - pictures and all. Plus you used the word turd in the title. The 6 year old in me is giggling.

Fertilized said...

wishing you luck!

Grad3 said...

The title of you post intrigued me... what a interesting combination :)

I vote with e- it's your blog but I am sure that many, many out there appreciate your thoughtfulness :)

One year I carved Flounder into my pumpkin... I would LOVE to see your pumpkin!!

Samantha said...

If you want to post pics, do it! If not, don't. But I know what you mean. I feel like I need to be more circumspect about my pregnancy simply because I never could get all that happy about other people's pregnancies.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I've felt the same thing and was wondering what to do. I will post of FB, but I might sneak something in on my blog-just not a costume. I'm torn though because there are lots of other pics of him on the blog.

Kami said...

I have struggled with this too. Part of me wants to post to show that I am happy with our baby even though I'm not happy about DE. I want people to be able to see the full cycle.

I also don't want to forget - or appear to forget - what it was like pre-baby. But it IS different and all my posts likely reflect that to some extent.