Turds, Pumpkins and the Sea

I feel like a turd because I really want to post some pictures that would have thrown my infertile ass into a depression. Or a rage, depending on the day. Pictures of cute kids in costumes and carved pumpkins. My cute kids and the pumpkin that I carved of a Dis.ney Princess.

When I read posts like this one by Pamela Jeanne (and the 3 referenced therein), I am instantly transported back to that time. Back to those feelings of suffocation. Despair and jealously would overtake me and I'd be in a funk (a cute little word to describe my depression) for weeks after the pumpkin patch episode recounted by Luna here. I've had that experience, many years in a row.

But, as I said, apparently I'm a turd. Because I'm so enthralled by the pictures I've taken that I feel as though I'm forgetting my roots. Therefore, I'm going to post the pictures on my Face.book page. Many of you are already friends with me there, but if you aren't let me know so we can get connected.

In the meantime, I'll working on slaying the beast that has set this inner turmoil in motion -- the turmoil that is causing me to toss about in the sea of holiday-induced infertility depression residue mixed with I'm-crazy-about-my-kids-and-want-the-world-to-ooh-and-aah-over-them euphoria.

Wish me luck.

Dear John,

No, I'm not referring to Jendeis' hubby in a dyslexic fashion. I'm talking about the Dear John letters that we've all written. The it's-not-you-it's-me ones, the oops-I'm-in-love-with-your-best-friend ones, the now-that-I've-gotten-to-know-you-it-makes-me-want-to-jam-a-hot-fork-in-my-eye ones. You get the point.

I remember once finding a website that had templates of such letters. You could just fill in the pertinent names and send it off. How convenient! It got me to thinking that there should be a stock of IF posts that we could just copy in certain circumstances instead of having to write them all ourselves from scratch.

Here are the ones that I think I could have used:

1. I just discovered this IF blog world and HOLY SHIT it has changed my life. You all understand me. You all get me. You all ARE me!
2. Why can crack whores and slutty teenagers get pregnant at an alarming rate but I can't do it despite the fact that we've completely drained our bank account and our emotional reserves?
3. My best friend just got pregnant and although I love her with all my heart, I want to rip her stupid fertile eyes out.
4. I'm very happy for all of my bloggy friends who are now pregnant, but forgive me if I can't muster gushing joy.
5. I'm so. damn. tired. I don't know if I can keep doing this. Forgive me, but I need to go away for a while.
6. I am overwhelmed by the love and support I've received from this amazing network of women. We don't even know each other, but that doesn't seem to matter.
7. I'm in the 2ww and am entirely convinced that this didn't work.
8. I'm in the 2ww and am doing the blog equivalent of a stage whisper about how I think it actually worked.
9. POAS? Not POAS? POAS? Not POAS?
10. My beta is low and not doubling. Please tell me it's going to be fine.
11. My beta is high and I'm scared shitless that it might be twins. While that's like the IF equivalent of winning the lottery, the reality of it is freaking me out.
12. I'm pregnant and am completely consumed with worry.
13. I'm pregnant and don't blog anymore because I feel like a giant heel complaining to all of you.
14. I'm pregnant and just went to the bathroom to find blood on my panties/the TP/in the toilet. Please tell me it's going to be fine.
15. My husband/sister/mother/fertile friend doesn't understand how I've gotten so attached to people I'll never meet. Even I don't get it, but I wouldn't trade you angels for the world.
16. I just puked my brains out on a stranger in Tar.get. I've never been so happy in my whole life.
17. Whoever made up the term morning sickness was a raging dickwad. It lasts all day and I feel wretched. But I'm still thrilled to have this problem.
18. I just gave birth and my child is the most amazing creature on Earth. Not to put too much pressure on them or anything, but I think this little human is beginning to heal the Grand Canyon-sized hole in my soul.
19. There is no way I would have made it through these last ## years without the support of you lovely ladies. I heart every last one of you.
20. Now that I'm settling into this Mommy thing, I don't know what to do with this IF blog.

Can you think of more?

P.S. - Has it really been a MONTH since I've posted? What a damn slacker.

Finally! Some good news.

Sprint as fast as you can over to Bean's blog and congratulate her on a great beta. After the recent letdowns in my universe (Kevin losing his job, LJ losing Miss Queen, Sunny's IVF), I was pretty damn down in the dumps.

Bean's great news has helped lift my spirits. What else helps? The fact that my son seems to think that oatmeal cereal has a threefold purpose: food, toy and face mask.

A bunch of people have asked for pictures of the little monsters, so here they are:

While here in my family, we are known for having big mouths, I still think that we should tell Liam that perhaps this ball is a bit too large to fit...

This boy loves his bouncy seat

These last 3 are from the county fair

Well, shit

What a day.

Kevin lost his job today. [insert jaw drop here] He's been there almost 8 years and worked his ass off for them. This company sucks beyond belief (I used to work there, I know). If you don't believe me, ask Rho since they screwed her husband over as well previously (plus she used to work there too).

LJ and Mr. Badger aren't going to get the baby. I can't tell what I'm more upset about -- that my husband is unemployed or that LJ won't be snuggling Miss Queen anytime soon. They both make me cry.

My prayers are with Galveston, TX and anyone else in the path of Ike.

In minor news, Liam slept like complete dung last night. He never even slept this poorly as a newborn. Surely that's not helping my mood.

I have to tell you that if Sunny and Bean don't get BFPs, I might just jump off a freakin' bridge!

Bloggy Things

Here are some random blog-related thoughts...

I stole the little Feedjit thing for my blog so I could see where people were coming from. I've always been jealous of people who knew that folks got to their blogs by googling "apple-colored monkey snot" or "too sexy for my shirt" or whatnot. I still don't know how people do it (feel free to clue me in), but at least wanted to know who all these people were that were reading my blog.

Frankly, I'm shocked that anyone still reads as I've been such lame blogger of late. So THANK YOU if you are still reading. :-)

Anyway, I noticed that an embarrassingly large number of people come to my blog via Google images. Specifically they come to the pee.stick photo gallery post. I went over to Google images and typed in pee.stick. Sure enough, my post pops up. Neato.

Next subject: I am always amazed at how many people I recognize when I comment on someone's blog. It's clear I travel in a familiar circle. It's not a small circle, mind you, as I regularly follow almost 100 blogs, but we all seem to know the same people.

When I added the 2nd generation of Braces Bunch gals to my Bloglines, it introduced me to a whole new circle of lovely ladies that appear to mostly know each other. I love to read comments on someone's blog where the two are clearly familiar because they are usually hilarious. I'm so excited that many of them have received BFPs since I started reading them!

It's funny to see these gals from the BB post comments on the blogs that I regularly read. I'm sure they were there commenting before but I didn't know who they were so I guess I didn't notice. In particular, Jen comments on nearly every blog that I read (I have no idea how in the world she has so much time and energy to post every day AND leave such nice comments on everyone's blogs, she is amazing), yet I don't think she knows me from Adam. Ditto for J who comments everywhere but we have never commented on each other's blogs. It just makes it feel like such a small world when it's really such a giant community.

Okay, enough rambling. While I'm linking all over the place, let's send a big hearty congratulations to Meghan on the birth of her daughter!! Then hop over to my buddy LJ's blog to send her thousands of good vibes in the hopes that the birthparents of Miss Queen make the decision to select LJ and Mr. Badger.

Name Game

I am digging this name meme going around. Since I'm working hard to post more often, I'm going to be fairly lazy and do the meme unstead of posting something substantive. C'mon, surely you've learned to accept mediocrity from me by now, yes?

The Name Game

1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Inky Accord

2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Mint Chocolate Chip Flip Flop

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Dog

4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Christel Cheverly

5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Conle

6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Root Beer

7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Kenneth Eugene

8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Vanilla Peanut Butter Cup

9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): I have no idea -- do you seriously remember your 5th grade teacher's name?

10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Autumn Wildflower

11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Nectarine Pajamas

12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Apple Cherry

13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived): Inky Albatross

More pics

I guess I've opened up the floodgates because now I want to post more pictures. :-)

We had pictures taken at the mall yesterday. I scanned in some of them because I'm into breaking the law. Then, I'm so lame that I took a picture of some framed pictures. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Here is a trilogy of the whole gaggle of dorks:


And here are a couple of the kids:

I honestly got misty when I saw the family photo. All my life I dreamed of taking a family photo. Of course I imagined myself considerably thinner, but I'm working on it. I just cannot believe that I am the person in that picture of the happy family with 2 kids. I've avoided writing the post about how EVERY SINGLE DAY I feel like I've won the freakin' lottery. Each time I try to write, it disintegrates into a sniveling, rambling mush of gobbledygook. So I probably won't be writing it.

But suffice it to say that the level of bliss and the feeling of gratitude I'm enjoying lately is beyond comprehension. Don't get me wrong -- Liam isn't sleeping for jack shit and Megan is so obnoxious sometimes that I told her yesterday she was going to win the Most Annoying Person Ever award. Nice thing to say to your 4 year old, eh? But even with the daily trials and tribulations, I never, ever, ever, ever take for granted one moment of the day. I'm lucky beyond the luckiest lucky sap ever created.

Enough gushing. Thank you a zillion times over for supporting me on this journey. 'Nuff said.