Hormonal much?

I tried to sit down and write a coherent, witty, entertaining post. All I managed to come up with were a bunch of random bullets. However, there was a clear theme -- my thoughts were either wildly HAPPY or horribly bitchy. In a fit of TMI, I will admit that I'm enduring a nasty visit from AF, so I'll assume that she's the whore to blame.


On to the good stuff:

• My birthday rocked. I thought turning 40 would be a lot more painful, but it wasn't. ETA: Damn, I need to update my profile now. Ugh.


• The amazing, smart, witty, talented and wonderful Jendeis sent me these flowers for my birthday. She is one helluva woman, they really made my day.


• My dad flew in from Florida to surprise me for my birthday. Yay!!


• Approximately 14 gazillion people wished me happy birthday over Facebook. I heart you Facebook. (Nevermind where I tell you to suck it later in this post. Hey, I already admitted I was not rational right now.)


• Megan has had off school for umpteen days in a row (parent teacher conferences, snow days, water main breaks). We've had lots of fun days at home -- making cookies, doing crafts, playing Barbies.


• Liam and I are FINALLY over the wretched colds we had for more than 2 weeks.


• Lots of wonderful people have contributed to JJ's group gift. I get to go BRU on Friday and buy up some baby gear. Yippee!


• I think that her belly is about the cutest thing ever.


• I can't wait to see her belly in person -- it makes me want to cry because I'm so freakin' happy for her.


• I can't wait to see her belly again too!!


• I am so out-of-my-mind excited for her baby to be born that I am having a hard time sleeping. Of course the birthmom is probably sleeping worse than me (as well as LJ, dontchathink?) seeing as how she's been in labor for what feels like a month now.


• My sister signed us up to take a cooking class together. This was probably the best birthday present I got!


• She is starting stims soon. This is the cycle, I just know it!! It's GOT to be.

Now for the bad stuff:

• Bloglines can suck it. I'm sick of seeing that I've got hundreds and hundreds of unread posts when there are really only 4. Piece of shit software.


• Facebook can suck it too. It bitched me out for sending the message about JJ's gift to too many people. Um, HELLO? I was trying to CONNECT with people. Isn't that the point? Assholes.


• Our nanny sucks. I've been interviewing people for the past couple of weeks with plans to replace her soon anyway but she's sucking more every day (and she doesn't even know she's getting replaced). I'm tired of her attitude, her passive agressive bullshit, her incessant family drama, and her refusal to perform basic tasks.


• Nintendo can eat shit and die. I hate it that my Mii is such a fat tub-o-lard on Wii Fit. Damn, people, I already KNOW that I'm fat. That's why I bought Wii Fit. At least that cute litty smartypants animated Wii Fit board went out of his way to wish me a happy birthday.


• Liam was healthy for a whopping 2 days before he got a fever this afternoon. Are you SERIOUS?


• Why in the holy hell does life need to continue to deal her and her so much dung? ENOUGH ALREADY!

I think that's enough for now. Thanks for listening. :-)

Giving back

There seem to be some bloggers that we all know... Mel, Geohde, Alexa, Heather, Serenity, Julia, Antigone, Julie. I would hurl myself in front of a train for a few of these ladies, I'm not too proud to admit.

There's another one that is extra, extra special to me... JJ at Reproductive Jeans. She is a truly amazing woman. She has her hand in about 100 things at one time, yet always seems to be able to lend support or kindness whenever it is needed. As the brainchild behind the Braces Bunch (Generations 1 and 2!), she has helped dozens and dozens of women connect and become just that much closer through our association with the group. (Much like how LJ facilitated the truly invaluable support offered by TOOTPU.)

Perhaps it's because she gave us the most touching and beautiful gift for Liam that we received. Perhaps it's because she has a voice like an angel (if you don't believe me, buy one of her CDs). Perhaps it's any one of the 263 ways that she touches other people's lives each week. Anyway, JJ is always so giving, I wanted to give a little back to her.

If you know JJ, you know that she is on hospital bedrest right now, awaiting the birth of her baby boy. He will be here very soon, and although it's earlier than expected, we are all no less excited. To help prepare for his arrival, I have set up a page where folks can donate to a group gift for JJ.

Initially, I began attempting to contact the dozens of ladies in the Braces Bunch individually. But after getting my virtual wrist slapped by Facebook for engaging in annoying and possibly spam-like behavior (screw you FB, hmmmph), I figured I'd just put it out here for anyone who visits my blog. Mel has also agreed to put it on the LCFA for a few days. If you know that some of JJ's friends visit your blog regularly, please feel free to include a link as well (either to this post or to the baby gift site directly).

So, if you are interested (and haven't done so already -- thank you to all of you who have contributed thus far!), please head on over and join in the group gift/hug we are sending to JJ and Mook.

Then go hug your favorite blogger. :-)

A short post full of very little

Don't forget -- vote for Mel. She's kicking ass in 1st place right now, but voting hasn't ended yet. Go vote!!

I have plenty to blog about, but no freakin' time. The biggest news of all is we finally have Liam's sleeping on track. Amen! I'm hoping to now regain some semblance of my former mental acuity previously robbed by the Sleep Deprivation Demon.

But I will leave you with a picture of my beautiful baby boy. He's got 4 teeth now, blows kisses, and has finally decided to SLEEP. I didn't think I could love him any more than I already do...

VOTE FOR MEL!!!

Go here. Vote now. Vote every day! (Pretty please.)

Thank you Secret Santa!

Know what I love more than the Braces Bunch? Getting a present from my Secret Santa in the Braces Bunch! Wahoo!!*

Today I got a lovely package from battynurse full of ornaments, peanut brittle, and a kick ass card. These are thoughtful gifts that I truly, truly enjoy. Last year I got an ornament from Becky and I smile every time I look at it on the tree. Now I can do the same with the ones from battynurse.

Despite how shitty IF and the ensuing self-torture it creates is, there is some light in the darkness. It is all of you. Thank you, battynurse. And thank all of the rest of you who read, who care, and especially those of you who supported me while I whined through my last post.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all of you!

* Of course I love JJ most of all. :-)

2,482

Two thousand four hundred and eighty two. That's a big number.

The number of BFNs we endured to make our children? Nope.
The number of injections I endured to make our children? Possibly.
The number of crack whores who get pregnant every day by mistake? Nope.
The number of wasted birth control pills I took over the years? Possibly.
The number of times I've cried over a situation related to IF? Possibly.
The number of times I've laughed out loud at Alexa's blog? Probably.
The number of times I've thanked God and my lucky stars for my children? Possibly.

So what is it?

A portion of number of ounces of breastmilk I've frozen in the last 6 months. Impressive, no? If I'm tallying correctly, I've actually frozen over 2,600 ounces because I've been defrosting and starting to use it over the last 2 months.

But what is with the 2,482? It's the number of ounces of frozen breastmilk that I just threw away. Yes, you read that right. Threw it right the hell away. Shocking, I know.

It seems I make an excess of the enzyme lipase. I wasn't savvy enough to scald my milk prior to freezing it, so it caused my milk to become rancid in the freezer. My reaction to figuring this out? "Well, fuck me." Liam's reaction to being fed the gross milk? "Um, no thanks."

It sucks that I spent that much time pumping. It sucks that I spent that much money on breastmilk bags. It sucks that I was planning to quit breastfeeding this month and now that ain't gonna happen.

Mostly it sucks because breastfeeding was my One Thing. I am a near failure at getting pregnant, I am a near failure at staying pregnant, and I am a near failure at labor & delivery. But I've always puffed my chest up with pride that I am A Cow. I can make some milk. Copious amounts with nearly no effort. Now, that One Thing That I Do Well is tainted.

I understand that breastfeeding challenges and breastmilk supply issues are practically the norm, so I've shied away from discussing them much on this blog because I couldn't live with myself if someone felt I was gloating in any way. But the ceremonial dumping of nearly 20 gallons of milk makes me yearn for some sympathy.

If you'd rather say "screw you and your freakish lactation abilities, Leah" I understand. Otherwise, please just leave a "dang, that sucks" comment so I can feel that proverbial warm hug from my blog buddies. thanks!

In which I make you wildly jealous

What's better than a room full of cookies? A room full of cookies and fellow IF bloggers.

I know I sound like a broken record when I'm always gushing about the TOOTPU gals, but they are just the best. I don't have much time today to go into all the reasons why, so I'll just let you know who you missed...

Bean
Lindsay
Meghan
Mel
Karen
Jendeis
Sunny
Antigone
Shelby
Barren is the New Black
Hopeful Mamma
YummySushiPajamas
In and Out of Luck

Later I'll post a group shot of us. We didn't get one with all 14 of us in it, but I believe there are some with *most* of us. I'll also post a picture of the cookies. Oh, the cookies. I'm up to my eyeballs in cookies and brownies right now. What's a Weight Watchers girl to do?!?!

Unfortunately, my imaginary friend Rho couldn't join us. Heavy sigh... Someday she'll make an honest woman out of me.