Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Bedrest Day #1 (subtitle: First in a series of what will surely prove to be a lengthy collection of boring posts)

Okay, so day 1 of bedrest wasn't too bad. I worked quite a lot from the comfortable confines of my couch. I prepared documentation, solved technical issues, ran conference calls, and actually got a fair amount accomplished.

The hours stretched on, but were punctuated by my exciting visits to the bathroom where I got to wee in a bedpan and then fill up a nifty ol' orange jug full of piss. That is one good time, let me tell you. Can't wait to deliver that to the lab tomorrow. I bet it will be just like Christmas for them.

Megan managed to leave the house today to show the new nanny where the duck pond is in our neighborhood. It made me sad to see her riding away down the street on her pink big girl bike in her pink princess helmet, knowing I couldn't go with her. But it truly won't be for all that long so I need to just get over myself.

I had my regular OB appointment this morning. Have I mentioned (oh, about a thousand times) how much I love my OB/GYN? I mean I have a serious crush on him. I know it's sorta sick, I don't care.

He did a biophysical profile on the baby (basically just a sonogram) and proclaimed everything to be "looking great." Heart looked good, pretend breathing was going on, fluid looked good, stuff like that. At one point, I said, "What in the world is that?" I'm skilled at reading sonograms but couldn't figure out what was going on. He said, "Them's boy parts." I was like, "Woah. Dang, he's quite the stud." I seriously still can't believe we're having a boy sometimes. Man oh man I hope he comes out healthy and doesn't up and die on us in the next couple of weeks. I might not be able to recover from that one.

The Doctor re-confirmed the bedrest sentencing, and answered some of my questions. Here's a typical exchange between the two of us:

Me: "So, what about sex?"
Doctor: "Um, well that depends. With who?"
Me: "Him." [pointing to Kevin who is trying not to look mortified]
Doctor: "Sure."
Me: "I mean, you should go ahead and tell him that I can't do any of the work, I'll need to just lie there and whatnot."
Doctor: "Would you like me to make a specific list of what you can and cannot do?"
Kevin: "NO. Please don't draw us any pictures, either."
Me: "Listen. Just because we didn't need to have actual sex to make this baby, doesn't mean we don't know what we are doing, you know."

Meanwhile, the idea of having sex is just ridiculous. It's the farthest thing from my mind. But I can already tell that I'm going to feel a little guilty about all the extra crap Kevin's going to be doing around the house and it's about the only reward I think I can follow through on at this point. So I figured I'd at least see if it's an option.

Anyway, all of my regular OB appointments have been cancelled. They've now been converted to weekly non-stress tests. The level of protein in my urine didn't go up between yesterday and today, but the real results will be given by my vat o' piss to be donated in the morning.

Thank you so much to all of you who have stopped by to offer your kind words, visits, and other things. In a couple of weeks when this is really, really, really old, I'll convince any and all Order of the Plastic Uterus babes to come to my house as quickly as possible to relieve the boredom. Maybe I'll make up a bat signal to shine in the sky. It will be shaped like a couch cushion with a GIANT indent in it...


Fertilized said...

Haha that is one funny conversation with the Dr - Poor Kevin.

My co-worker keeps trying to warn me about these swollen boy parts after delivery.... I gues you got a glimpse of those today

Anonymous said...

You can have sex in bed, and your are on BEDrest, so it is only logical you can have sex! :)

Tam said...

Glad the first day of bedrest wasn't too bad - except for the pee part!!

Good luck with the rest of it and that sex thing ;)

B said...

When the doc said "who with?" about the sex question...you should have said "you!!".

The VAT o' piss line made me laugh!

Bean said...

You are too funny! Sorry to hear about the bedrest. There are days when I'd LOVE to have someone tell me I have to stay in bed, but really I know that when you don't have a choice and it's for more than a day or two it can get old fast. Which reminds me--I missed you on Sunday. A TOOTPU excursion to entertain you might be just what the doctor ordered! :)

Meghan said...

The bat signal needs to be a giant uterus! You know we'll be there in a hurry.

Glad you made it through day 1, looking forward to the updates.

(oh and loved the sex convo)

Portia P said...

Just caught up with your news!

I'm sorry you're confined to bed. The peeing bit sounds a joy.

You just rest up there and stop teasing the Doc with your questions about sex.

Take care

P xx

Karen said...

I had to do like four or five of those vat o' piss tests. Several in the hospital, plus one or two at home. Seriously sucky.

I cannot believe you had that sex conversation with your doctor. I would have DIED. Then again, my doctor told me from day, like two, that sex was not an option for us. Dammit. I can't even REMEMBER what sex is like because with triplets, well, you tell ME when we're supposed to have sex!?

Rho said...

Reminds me of the conversation with our check out nurse today... "no orgasms for 4-5 days" - uh, "no problem" *snicker*

Storing a jug-full-o-piss sounds like a party, I'll bring the finger sandwiches.

The Town Criers said...

And we will come--not just to see the pee bucket, but to give you love too. Name the date.

Mr. & Mrs. M@sk said...

Sorry to hear about the bed rest but glad day 1 didn't go too badly.

Had to read about the jugg-o-piss twice, lol.

Sunny said...

I swear to God we are twins. :) The things you say are so the things I say. Thanks for making me laugh!

Artblog said...

I loved this post, absolutely loved it! This could have been me a few weeks ago ;) sorry you're on bed rest sweetie, sucks I'm sure! don't worry about Megan for the moment, trust me, however guilty you feel for having to neglect them, its all worth it in the end and you can make up for it later :)

thinking about you even though I'm not around that much! Now I get missing in action new mother bloggers!