Random Thoughts in a Way-Too-Long Post

I forget that so much time goes by between posts. Maybe because I am composing posts in my head all day long (I understand what you mean, Kami), and I am truly turning into my Mother ("I called you, why didn't you call me back?" "Um, no, you didn't call me, Mom." "Well, I thought about it. Why didn't you call me back?") and have blurred the line between what happens in my mind versus what happens in real life. That's some scary shit, I tell you.

Here are all the random things I've been meaning to blog about:

*************************************

I missed the gathering of The Order of the Plastic Uterus yesterday. I'm SO bummed! Kevin got called into work and I had no one to watch Megan. As usual, it sounds like they had a great time and I desperately missed seeing them.

*************************************

Go give lots of lucky vibes to Rho. In her latest IVF, yesterday's retrieval hauled in 17 eggs! Woot!! We are still waiting (im)patiently for the fert report but I'm so excited, I'm practically vibrating.

*************************************

I'm trying to finish everything up at work (c-section is 5 weeks from today), and it's stressing me out. I'm turning it over to a wildly capable, competent friend of mine (Laurie), but it's still just a lot of work to put everything in order for anyone else to step in and take over. I'm looking forward to the break, though, as there's a fair amount of drama at work right now.

*************************************

Megan's sibling class at the hospital was on Saturday. She loved it! She is obsessed with babies (both real and in the doll form) so she's actually pretty experienced with holding them and attempting to change diapers. We mostly went so that someone other than her parents could tell her the normal stuff: wash your hands before touching the baby, don't pick the baby up, don't wake the baby up, etc. Plus she's had 1,001 questions about exactly what it will be like when I'm in the hospital. So it was nice she could see the room I'd be staying in, and where the snacks were located (she smuggled out a graham cracker, I think that was the highlight of the entire day), where the bathroom was, basics like that. She hasn't asked her customary daily zillion questions about my hospital stay since then, so maybe it satisfied her curiosity for a little while.

*************************************

Megan and Kevin will be out of town this weekend. Without me! This will be the first time she's ever been away from me for more than 1 night. And they'll be in Chicago!! Kevin's cousin's wedding is this weekend, as well as a bonus family reunion. But I'm like a lumbering whale rolling about on the beach most of the time so the idea of hauling it through a couple of airports and through all the ensuing festivies was probably pushing it too far. Plus, I've started swelling pretty badly by nightfall (full-on pitting edema, it's a fun party trick), and pant like a dog trapped in a sauna at times, so my OB recommended that I don't go. Instead, I'll stay home and prep for the baby.

*************************************

Speaking of that, we're sort of ready. Truthfully, all you really need is place for the baby to sleep, some onesies, and a carseat to bring them home. We have both of those, so the rest is just gravy. However, washing some clothes, washing the bedding, washing the carseat cover, and having a few burpcloths handy is a good idea too. I'll tackle that this weekend.

*************************************

My friend Kelly has been browbeating me for over a month about a shower. I've patiently explained that I don't want a shower, I don't believe in showers for subsequent babies (not that there's anything wrong with them, we just don't need anything), and at this point whatever items people give us simply translate into more shit we need to find a place for in our house. (Except, of course the exquisite blanket that JJ made and the adorable stuff that Rho gave me.) Anyway, she decided that she'd throw a "sprinkle" (she reasoned that it is smaller than a "shower"). I agreed only if very, very few people came, if it was clear that they were not to bring any gifts, and if we had yummy food. I'm just looking for an excuse to get together with my girlfriends and enjoy some party food. It's set for May 3rd and I think it will be a lot of fun.

*************************************

I'm a hormonal wreck. I know it's to be expected -- there's the pregnancy hormones, there's the sleep deprivation (did I mention I can only "sleep" sitting up in the glider these days? notice that I put the verb "sleep" in quotes since it's a joke to call it that?), there's the looming reality of a baby coming into the house, there's the looming reality of having an actual END to this trying-to-have-children nightmare of IF, there's the exhausting behavior of my highly spirited 3 year old, there's the stress of finishing stuff up at work, there's the stress of a horrific revalation about an ex-boyfriend (explained below), yada yada yada. I cry at everything and nothing. I kept crying during Megan's class at the hospital because the kids were so damn cute. I tried to play it off like I had allergies or something, but I'm just a giant doofus. (Did anyone else just have the line "so you try to play it off like you think you can by sayin that you're full and then your friend says momma he's just being polite he aint finished uh uh that's bull" run through their heads? Man, I love that song!)

*************************************

I was married way-back-when to a perfectly nice guy named Sean for 6 years. After we broke up, I dated a flaming jackass named Steve (ever after referred to as Evil Steve) for almost 2 years. Then I dated only myself for a year and a half. Then I dated anyone who had a pulse for a while. Then, I found a nice guy. His name was Richard. After a year of dating, we moved in together. Planning for the move-in, we hit snag #1. His credit royally sucked. Interesting for someone who was 34 at the time and seemed pretty normal. Snag #2 was that we planned to get engaged prior to moving in together, but it turns out he couldn't afford a ring. I knew he made decent $ so I wasn't sure what was going on. We went ahead and moved in together, and within a couple of weeks he proposed (his parents paid for the ring apparently). Unfortunately, on the 2nd night of us living together, I made the first of a series of shocking discoveries that eventually led me to the conclusion that he was a highly-functioning alcoholic. I truly had no idea. Anyway, the ensuing story is pretty interesting (including his insane reasoning for why he wasn't an alcoholic, my life changing experience with Al.Anon, his refusal to move out of my townhouse for months and months after I broke it off, etc.) but not worth repeating here. He finally agreed to go into rehab -- his first trip there ever -- for a 21 day program. He walked out after 4 days, proclaiming himself "cured" and "not really an alcoholic anyway" (neveryoumind the 4 bottles of wine he drank each night and other craziness). His parents were there to catch him whenever he fell, as they'd been doing for over a decade. Slapped in the face by such blatent enabling behavior, I realized he was never going to change and cut off all communication with him entirely. This was about 8 or 9 years ago. It seems he's been in rehab a few more times since then, seemingly with little success. How do I know this? Fast forward to last month when I learned that he murdered his parents. Yes, you read that correctly. They were in a fight about making him go back to rehab and he shot them dead in their own home. The rest of the story is crazy (he was caught trying to cross into Canada, no one even knew his parents had been dead for almost 5 days, but he confessed) and here's hoping he stays locked up forever. Mostly I've been crying for his parents who are (were) incredibly sweet, wonderful people. I've also been crying for his uncle who is my sister's neighbor (that's how I met Richard). I've also been crying for myself because, well, I'm finally letting go of all the guilt I carried around for "quitting" and "giving up on him" so quickly. To say I made the right choice is an understatement.

*************************************

Okay, I can't end on that somber note. Instead, I'll leave you with some jokes:

• Confucius Says: If you don't succeed, re-define success.
• What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
• Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz? She had three men giving her directions.
• Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A: A Yamahahaha
• Q. What do you call a fish with no eye? A. A fsh
• Did you know my wife went to a self-help group for compulsive talkers? It’s called On and On Anon.
• The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office.
• What is the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence? I don’t know and I don’t care one way or the other.